Music Lost and Found
Music-listening hiatuses and rebirths, the Wuthering Heights album, Rosalía and more
In my most recent therapy session (always a good way to start a blog post), I was rattling on about how disturbing and horrifying everything going on in the world/country is when I mentioned something offhandedly. I said, “I’m also bored of all my music, so I just haven’t been listening to it at all lately.” My therapist paused here and encouraged me to spend more time on this: When did this start? And why? What is it about the music I usually enjoy suddenly feeling “boring” now? At some point, the word “overstimulated” came up and we moved on. But it struck me later that something I thought was the least of my worries seemed to concern this professional I’d entrusted with my mental health.
In retrospect, I can see how “client no longer enjoys things they normally enjoy” would be a red flag for any therapist. In fact, now that I type it out, it does sound like textbook depression... While I had been feeling pretty down and off, it didn’t really occur to me that pressing “pause” in my car and choosing to drive in silence (sociopathic behavior, actually) or leaving my headphones at home before going for a walk could be a telltale sign of it.
A few afternoons later, I was on my daily walk (listening to a podcast, decidedly not music) when I passed someone’s loose sheet music scattered along the sidewalk. I pictured a rushed, intelligent teen who plays some impressive kind of instrument – running into the backseat of a car, flinging a sweatshirt and a backpack chaotically about, unknowingly losing part of their assignment or recital in one quick flash. But for me, it was a sign. We had both lost music in some form or another, but it is always there – even when you’re not looking for it.
Luckily for me, music is easy to pick back up if your only knack for it is pressing “play.”
Music has always been a big deal to me, an enduring cultural touchpoint. As a millennial, Total Request Live or, simply, TRL (and by proximity, unfortunately, Carson Daly) helped raise me. I was obsessed with Making the Video and watching the endless loops of music videos after hours late into the night. MTV is dead now, but it was a life force for us back then. Maybe thanks to my MTV-centric childhood and teen days, my taste in music evolved to be quite genre-less. Aside from twangy country, there’s not a genre of music I don’t really like or won’t at least give a chance. Growing up, I dreaded when adults would try to make conversation by asking, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” What do you mean “kind”? I’d think. Are we supposed to pick just one? I’d think of my favorite artists – ranging anywhere from Destiny’s Child to Rage Against the Machine to DMX1 – and have absolutely no idea how to respond. After coming up blank, I’d lifelessly answer, “Alternative, I guess” – much to the further confusion and disappointment of the adult asking the question.
But back to current day: if you’ve been here before, you won’t be surprised to learn that I’ve been listening to Charli xcx’s Wuthering Heights album on repeat. When the first single “House” (featuring John Cale of The Velvet Underground) came out, it was met with some confusion and a mixed reaction from the internet. What was this tone she was going for now post-Brat? Who did it remind everyone of? A few months later, “House” finds itself comfortably situated in a niche meme-a-verse of TikTok, and I’m delighted every time I see a funny video of a less-than-ideal situation scored by I think I’m gonna die in this houuuuuuse…
At that time, people said she was “reheating Ethel Cain’s nachos,” but Charli’s been on her gothic cathedral-echo electronica ballad game since early in her career2 with tracks like “I Don’t Wanna Know,” “Cross You Out,” “Thoughts” and “Nuclear Seasons.” It’s giving me Nine Inch Nails meets Boys For Pele era Tori Amos. Regardless of whether or not you liked the film Wuthering Heights3, the album can be seen as a standalone success. And it’s going to slap even harder in the moody days of fall this year.
In other personal music news, I – like many others – became obsessed with Bad Bunny after the Super Bowl Halftime Show and have been listening to his entire discography on repeat (with “DtMF” receiving an extra special mention in my number of replays). There is something about the adrenaline rush and sweeping production of a Super Bowl Halftime show (and Bad Bunny’s was uniquely remarkable in that respect) that will either get me really into an artist for the first time, or renew my fandom for them (as was the case with Rihanna’s 2023 Halftime performance).
As a frequenter of the Spotify “Song Radio” feature, my Bad Bunny obsession led me to remembering how much I love another Spanish-speaking artist: Rosalía. I’ve been playing my favorite albums of hers on repeat again. In 2022 and 2023, I played the MOTOMAMI+ album on a loop while driving around Los Angeles. (I’d just moved here in the summer of 2022.) “SAOKO,” “DIABLO,” and “LA COMBI VERSACE” probably get the most plays from me still to this day. And yet, Spotify has never once placed Rosalía in my “Top 5 Artists of the Year” in a Spotify Wrapped… I just know that shit is rigged somehow…
Rosalía’s newest album, LUX, is a breathtaking revelation in sound. I’m admittedly a few months late to it, but the marriage of her established style with the strings of the London Symphony Orchestra is to die for. I can’t get over “Porcelana” in particular, a song that is begging to be featured in a film sequence one day.4
Thankfully, this recent period has helped me rediscover how much I fucking love making playlists. Ever since you could make them in any format, I’ve thrived in the solo sessions of utterly self-involved musical curation. Even if it starts out murky and aimless, I always inevitably reach a “flow state” and before you know it, hours have passed – but at least I have 6 hours of music I love in a very specific collection that I will never get sick of (until exactly one week later).
One night, I was sitting in the Taco Bell in Hollywood5 devouring a Crunchwrap Supreme as they played Portishead (“All Mine”) over the speakers. An unexpected choice for TB for sure, but ultimately pretty punk of them. (Whoever was controlling the playlist that night has good taste...) Portishead was a band I got really into in high school and early college, their albums playing on repeat in the background as I wrote my meandering screenplays for my screenwriting classes back in Chicago. And now here it was – playing overhead in a fast food chain restaurant on one of the grimiest streets in central Los Angeles. The music we love and the music we haven’t even heard yet but will love one day is always here, all around us – especially when you’re not looking for it.
reallyyyyy aging myself here but idc
yes, Charli had an earlier career, contrary to mainstream belief
and god knows there’s BIG opinions
Saving this in print so I can say “I told you so” later when a director does indeed use it.
yes, in the dining room
It's always a slightly odd experience hearing old beloved songs again. I often find myself trying to appreciate the music while also reminiscing about what was going on in my life when I first heard it. It can be a bit overwhelming!
Lux is so good. When it came out, I'd fallen into a state of despair about the future of music, likely connected to The Life of a Showgirl & associated Discourse from the previous month. Then I heard Lux, and it reminded me that pop music could be beautiful and thought-provoking, not just a cynical attempt to get big on TikTok. There's so many highlights to choose from, but Sauvignon Blanc shows why Rosalía is one of the best vocalists alive, so I'll go with that today.
Oh, that Rosalía piece is exquisite!